


Not today, Satan.

by lia_bezdomny



Category: Cherik - Fandom, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cherik - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 03:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13627302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lia_bezdomny/pseuds/lia_bezdomny
Summary: “Two gorgeous people at a party, surrounded by dorks. What did you think would happen? Discussions about chess?” “Hey, we talked about chess!” Charles says, defensively.“Yeah, about how boring it was and that it could only be improved by liquor and nudity.”“You know the rules, we do not talk about strip chess, before we go to see your mother. Speaking of nude, get dressed, now.”---Charles and Erik are invited to a dinner party for Erik's little brother. Things get a little uncomfortable, when he introduces his girlfriend.





	Not today, Satan.

**Author's Note:**

> As we are in the month of love, have some fluff.
> 
> The Yiddish I use is written by me as I speak it, so forgive me any spelling mistakes. Apart from that, enjoy.

“Shouldn’t you get ready?”

looks at Erik, who is still lounging on the sofa, the Playstation controller in his hands.

 

“I need five minutes.” “We got to leave. You know how your mother is.”

“Judgemental, manipulative and so stereotypical, she could be a character on “The Nanny”?” “Oh come on...”

“They live in Flushing, Charles. That is the literally in the first line of the theme song.”

With an eyeroll, he puts on his favourite jacket, a dark green piece with black lining that, according to Erik, makes him look like a professor.

 

“So, you are Miss Fine in this scenario and I’m Mr. Sheffield?” “No. Obviously I am C.C. and you are… Fred, the weird pharmacist who hooks up with Val.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” “My comparisons rarely do. Besides, this is not about us. As soon as Jacob makes the announcement… Boom.”

He mimics an explosion with his hands and shuts of the game. Meeting your boyfriends parents was always a stressful thing. If that parent was Edie Lehnsherr, well a fiery explosion was quite fitting.

 

“Our involvement should be as little as possible, so better not tell them, that he met Ororo at your party.” “How was I suppose to know that they hit it off?”

Erik snorts inelegantly and tosses his sweatpants into the hamper, before putting on a pair of Jeans.

 

“Two gorgeous people at a party, surrounded by dorks. What did you think would happen? Discussions about chess?” “Hey, we talked about chess!” Charles says, defensively.

“Yeah, about how boring it was and that it could only be improved by liquor and nudity.”

“You know the rules, we do not talk about strip chess, before we go to see your mother. Speaking of nude, get dressed, now.” Charles tosses him a grey, blueish jumper.

 

“Here, wear this. Brings out your eyes.” “Don’t get attached.”

He puts it on regardless and stands next to Charles, to check himself out in the mirror. With a few effortless pushes, he gets his hair slicked back and points to the clock on the bedside table.

“Five minutes.” “Okay, you win. Now let’s go, C.C..”

They’ve called a taxi because it is New York after all, and both of them are pretty sure, that alcohol will play a big part in getting through this uncomfortable evening.

…

 

Jacob is waiting for them outside the Lehnsherr’s childhood home and looks like he is about to bolt. Neither of them could blame him.

 

“Hey, you made it.”

He hugs both of them and Erik pats his back.

 

“Wouldn’t miss our mother ripping her shoulder pads off and weeping in the streets for the world, brother.” “Erik!”

Charles chastises him but Jacob puts his hands up and cuts in:  
“It’s okay, I deserve that. The shit I gave him, when he finally brought you home. Schwamm drüber.”

_Bygones_ , Charles should have gotten over the way the brothers talked to each other by now.

 

“Where is Ororo?” “She’s running late. Conference call. I wanted to wait, but we’ve been spotted.” Mrs. Lehnsherr’s head pops out and the loud assortment of German words, make her sons swiftly walk towards the door.

 

Edie Lehnsherr’s home is immaculate, as usual. Not a speck of dust to be found anywhere and Charles is pretty sure, that she even had the carpets cleaned for the occasion. Well, at least the occasion she knows about, her younger sons promotion.

 

“Oh, my boy!”

She almost croons and kisses Jacob’s cheeks repeatedly. “Junior partner at 26! Your papa would be so proud of you!”

 

Erik’ lips quirk and Charles quickly brushes his thumb over his boyfriend’s knuckles. Jacob Lehnsherr senior died, when he was five and with his younger on the way. A therapist would have a field day and probably enough money to buy a summer home, if they ever chose to seek on out. Charles speaks from experience. The resentments, him and his siblings had to work through via Dr. Myers turned that woman into a best selling author.

 

“Thanks, mama. Something smells really good.” “Your favourite, beef casserole.”

Edie kisses him again and then turns to Erik and Charles.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, you two. Come here.” She hugs them, a kiss on each cheek included and leads them all into the living room. Monty and Elsa, the paternal grandparents sit on the couch, a quilt draped over their legs. It’s not the first time, Charles thinks that they could be in the live action version of “Up”.

 

“Perla, di Jungens zenen do, kuk.” Elsa looks up and smiles. “Zey hobn dervaksen.”

He pats her hand and kisses it. If this gets any more adorable, Charles probably has to go and take an ice cold shower because of all the feelings. And yes, he is aware, that he is an adult.

 

“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Lehnsherr. Nice to see you again.” “Junge, you haven’t teached him Yiddish? You need to teach him, what man are you to him?” Grammar was something, Mr. Lehnsherr didn’t need, nor cared for. He spoke from the heart, all the time.

 

“He speaks Yiddish, Opa. He just refuses to do so, unless it is perfect, without any trace of accent.” The old man turns to Charles and laughs.

“No accent? Charlie, Yiddish is a dialect, more than language. We all have the accent, don’t we do, Perla?” She nods and looks at the clock.

“Isz nisht tsayt tsu esn?” “Ikh geyh aun fregh Edie.” He gets up and carefully wraps the quilt around his wife’s legs.

 

“Come, Jungens. My wife wants to eat. Never leave your wife hungry. If you do, you’re not taking care of her.”

Monty eyes Erik, who’s lips are nothing more than a thin white line at this point.

“I feed him.” “Neh… He’s too tiny. You don’t do it enough.” With that, he leaves to check on dinner.

 

“Always remember: Not today, Satan, not today.”

Is all, Charles can say which gets him all the eyerolls, Erik was holding in.

“Your not my wife.” “Like you said, I speak Yiddish. And there is no word for same-sex partner, to my knowledge.”

The doorbell rings at that exact moment and the three suddenly remember, what they were actually there for.

 

...

Ororo is wearing her black business suit, that compliments her silvery, long hair, carefully slicked back and styled into a chignon.

“Hey, guys, sorry Japan was uncharacteristically chatty tonight. I brought wine.” She kisses Jacob, who looks like a deer in the headlights.

“We talked about this. It will happen tonight. It’s going to be okay.” They apparently had this conversation before.

 

“I should have told her sooner.” “Yes, you should have. But now it is too late. So, man up, baby.”

“You are right. Sorry. Let’s face her. Are you two coming?”

“Wait, we are still in this movie? I thought, we switched to the audio commentary, for the rest of it.” “This is not MST3, brother. I need you in there.”

Charles and Erik share a look but follow them into the dining room anyway.

 

“Mama, you remember Ororo?” “But of course, we met at Erik’ birthday party, how are you, my dear?”

They shake hands and Edie gives her a quick look over. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes and all four of them realise that she knows damn well, what is going on. Erik fills all of their glasses, just to have something to do. Apparently, seeing his brother in the same situation he was in, a couple of years ago, is not as amusing, as he thought it would be.

 

“I’m fine, thank you. What a lovely home you have, Mrs. Lehnsherr.” “Thank you. Now, let’s all sit down and eat, shall we?”

Ororo is a professional negotiator and never misses a tell. So she will know, how to deal with the other thinly veiled barbs, Edie loves to trade with others.

_She got this_ , Charles hopes and digs into his salad, even though he feels sick to his stomach. When they finally finished dessert and go back to the living room for drinks, Monty and Elsa are back on the couch, while Edie takes a seat right between Ororo and Jacob. Erik and Charles are banished to the launching chairs next to the fire place.

 

“Mama, thank you for the delicious dinner...” “Oh, Jacky, it was nothing. I’m just so proud of you. Speaking of proud, do you know, who has just finished law school? Miriam Armbruster.” Erik locks eyes with Jacob and nods. Their sign for “I got you, bro.” No turning back now, for either of them.

 

“Uhm, who?” “Miriam. She lived next door, beautiful face.”

“I, I don’t think I remember her.” “Oh come on, Jacob, you know her. Miri, Tony Salvatore’s ex-girlfriend. the one who got fat all of the sudden and lost the weight during the two months in summer school. Upstate.”

Jacob mouths _thank you_ to Erik, who just nips at his wine glass. Edie isn’t that easily thrown off.

 

“Well, I had no idea, that poor girl was making such unhealthy _food_ choices…

Anyway, Mrs. Lasker has been asking about you. Didn’t you went to school with their daughters, Erik?”

“The Lasker twins? Yes, one had IBS, the other this weird compulsion to eat cardboard. Any more girls you want to set Jacob up with, because I have a lot more information to share.”

He gets a death glare and now Charles finally knows where Erik’ comes from.

 

“I don’t think, Jacob needs any help from me to get an appropriate girlfriend, son.” “ _Appropriate_?” Ororo’s tone is low and Charles and Erik lean back in their chairs. From all the possible outcomes of this evening, a discussion about race was the second worst. Armageddon was obviously number one. But after seeing Ororo’s face, Charles wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

 

 

“And what would an appropriate girlfriend look like, Mrs. Lehnsherr?”

Edie is not the least bit intimated an answers evenly:  
“Don’t make it about _that_ , dear. I couldn’t care less about your skin colour. I care about our tradition. I’ve raised my sons in the faith of my ancestors and I want them to raise their children in it as well. And no, your skin colour didn’t tell me about your religious affiliation, your fetish pendant did.”

 

“Edith. Do not speak to that young lady like that, ever again!”

Elsa faces her daughter in law and Charles is torn between wishing for a place to hide or a bucket of popcorn.

 

“When you married my son, I took you as my own daughter but I will not tolerate disrespect for the love Jacob shares for this woman.” “Mother...” _Popcorn_ , Charles decides right then. _Definitely popcorn._

 

“Don’t interrupt, child! When I met Monty, do you think I was what his parents wanted? I was a homeless gypsy girl, they said no, she wants only money, throw her away! But he didn’t and then they threw us onto the streets together! But we found each other. And who cares if she is not Jewish? I wasn’t until three months before Jacob was born. She can learn too, if she wants. And she can read, so it will be quicker for her.”

Monty looks at his wife with such proud eyes, that Charles mentally upgrades his ice cold shower to a dive into a Siberian lake. That would surly kill the feelings.

…

 

Edie, after a few more glasses of wine, apologises to Ororo, who ends up on the front porch, next to Charles, who waits for Erik and the doggie bags, he will obviously receive.

 

“That was a very strange episode of “The Nanny”.” “Please don’t tell me you two role play. The image of Erik in a mini skirt, would make this evening even more hellish.”

He considers that for a moment.

 

“Well, he does have the legs to pull it of, so...” “Lalalalala!!!” The both laugh an it feels good to get some of the penned up tension out.

 

“So, you are officially the girlfriend. The muffin basket is on the way, along with a “ _Lehnsherr to_ _People who can actually talk about their feelings in a non passive – aggressive manner_ ” dictionary.” “Thanks, but I’m not the girlfriend anymore.”

 

“Oh come on, Ororo! After all this? They can change, please don’t give up.” “I’m the wife.”

She points to the pendant and turns it around, to reveal a silvery metal stripe.

“Wedding rings are not our thing so he gave me this, when we were in Kenya.” “You are married? When, how, no, not how but… What?” She smiles and shrugs.

  
“Seemed like a good idea.” “What?!”

“You already said that.” “It bears repeating. Why didn’t you tell us? Don’t you dare to shrug again, because I will snatch your weave!” He was defiantly watching too much “RuPaul’s Drag Race”.

 

“I wasn’t going to throw another bomb into that fire in there! Besides, I wanted it to be our thing for a little while, before you all get involved in our business.” “Oh god. This is exactly what Erik said before we made it official. They are slowly assimilating us. If I start to wear turtlenecks and judge people for no reason, stage an intervention. Also I’m happy for you.”

They hug and wait for the brothers to finally come out.

 

Erik and Charles link their hands together, as they walk up to the taxi stand, two blocks away. Of course, Erik already knows. They probably exchanged that information on the way out.

 

“So, she told you then?” “I couldn’t really believe it but… Wow.”

“It’s not a big deal, people get married all the time.” “Except for us.”

“Yep.” “Because we do not want to.”

“Exactly.” “Especially not in September.”

“And certainly not in Rome, that would be terrible.” “Disgusting.”

“I’m glad, we agree.”

Erik kisses his hand and Charles will need all the cold water of the Arctic sea to wash the smile off his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
